Ramblings

I am still alive ... my schedule has been insane with work and school. But I will be cutting down on my hours at work very soon. Classes have been going very well. I have been eating quite a bit lately and it seems to be finally resulting in some poundage. I am currently up to 277 (one day I was 281 but I had gorged quite a bit that day) and am feeling fat.

I am feeling much less depressed than I was a month ago. I have even recently started talking to a guy from Pittsburgh and things seem to be going very well. Hopefully we will be able to meet during Thanksgiving break.

You may have noticed some ads showing up on my blog, the main reason that I put these on is for the money. With every click I get some change added to my Adsense account. This of course, as always, will go towards more food. So please take a second and click (once or a hundred times) on the ads, it will help me grow.

New

First I would like to apologize for not updating regularly. I have recently moved back out on my own into a tiny studio apartment right off of campus. I transferred stores and am working at a new local (completely disorganized) store. I did bring my kitty, who has not fully adjusted yet. She keeps waking me up in the middle of the night wanting to play so I haven't really been getting a whole lot of sleep especially with working nearly full time and taking classes full time.

As for any gaining ... it has been extremely uneventful. I thought that moving to a larger city and being closer to Detroit would allow me to find someone that would be interested in pursuing some sort of relationship, but I have been sadly mistaken.

With all of the walking on campus and not getting regular sleep I have already lost 3 lbs in the matter of a week and a half. This is why I feel that I need someone who would like to have a gainer/feeder or mutual gaining relationship.

I know that we all have these bouts of depression, of which I am going through now. Every once in awhile I feel the need to just take all of my information/videos/pics down and just lose all of the weight that I have gained. And plenty of people try and console me and say that "If I were around your area I would date you". Which basically doesn't make anyone feel better. While others say that they will come and visit, making false promises after fantasizing about what they want to do to me or have me do to them. This is just like rubbing salt in a fresh cut, like I have said before ... I am more than just your fantasy, your secret perversion that you are too afraid to vocalize in person, the image in the back of your head as your toes cringe while you are getting off. I am a person with emotions. I am not perfect, I know that. There is no need to point out my many faults; my inability to fully control my emotions. I will not be silenced, I will not be ignored. I will find someone eventually.


Stuffmebloated

Some cable show I have never heard about

Sooooo .... apparently I am famous. There was a mini show created about gainers. It was pretty well put together ... it didn't make gainers out to be like freaks as most programs might. Check it out ... I am prominently shown near the end ... even a nod to my 66 lb gain in just a year :D.

Video Game - E3 2009 - Attack of the Show

Looking for Encouragement

So I was searching the web for some encouragement and tips on gaining. I ran across a pledge that I had seen before and I thought I would post it here for everyone to be able to read it is not mine it is from Dr. Feeder ... thank him for all the tips.

The Glutton's Pledge

(If you want to become a glutton, say this pledge daily, and repeat
it whenever you have difficulties)

I, __________, promise to eat all I want,
of whatever I want,
whenever I want.

I will eat when I'm sad to cheer myself up.

I will eat when I'm happy for the sheer joy of it.

I will learn to enjoy eating even when I'm full.

My belly will grow and proudly proclaim my devotion.

My appetite will become greedier, allowing me to eat even more.

I will rejoice when people criticize my weight, for they confirm my
progress.

I will rejoice when people criticize my appetite, for they confirm my

confidence.

I will gain and not be ashamed; on the contrary, I will feast in
celebration.

I will eat joyfully and bear my new pounds cheerfully, so as to be an
inspiration to others.

I will eat.

And eat.

And eat!

Now that is a pledge to live by!

Been Awhile

It has been quite awhile since I have updated. A recent conversation with another gainer inspired me to try and update more often. Since I have last posted I have quit my second job and went back to full time at my first job. I had some issues with the general manager at the second job and the money was not worth dealing with her. So now I have more time ... but less money. Which I don't know if that is good or bad.

Recently I have been eating non stop but it hasn't really made much of an impact. Still averaging around 260 lbs. I have to get my yearly physical soon and I don't really know what my doctor will say about my weight. I think the last time I went in I weighed around 220-230 but that was a little more than a year ago. Maybe I should say that I have been lifting weights and the belly came with it. I feel more and more that I would like to get up to 300 lbs ... but I am not sure if that will be too much. I am 6'2" so I think that I will be able to carry it ... but I am still afraid that it will be too much for my body to handle. There is only one way to find out though!

As Always,
Eat Up!

Still Alive

Last week was finals and the week before that I had multiple rehearsals and performances in a row. So I haven't had time to update .... sorry. Looking forward to the summer kinda has me worried. I will be picking up more hours at both jobs and I'll be taking summer classes. So I think that I may end up losing weight. That is ok, I need to focus more on getting ready for college this fall. At the end of the semester I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. I did extremely well in all of my performances and excellent on my final exams. I got an A in theory, piano, math, composition , and choir and a B in aural skills and mass media. For theory we also had a final project where we had to take a folk melody and arrange it for a four part chorus using 16th century techniques. I went a little farther and made mine more complicated, but I felt that it needed to be more complicated. I did Simple Gifts, or Shaker Melody, written by Elder John Brackett. The teacher was quite happy with what I turned in and I got a 50/50.

Other than school, work has been ok. This was graduation weekend so I made lots of money. But I had a run in with one of the managers. She is very mean to all of the employees and no one likes her. Honestly I have not worked under a management team that has been so mean to their employees. I can't wait to get away from there but I need the money so I will stay until fall classes start. Nothing new in the realm of love. :(

As Always,
Eat Up!

Watching the Office

I'm fairly positive that I won't be able to make it out to NYC until August. The flights don't begin until June 1st and that is the first week of summer classes. Hopefully I'll be able to take somewhat of a vacation before classes begin again in the fall. I've still been working on all of the music that I so graciously agreed to prepare. All three performances fall on the same week too, making it seem as if I have twice as much music because I can't spread out my practice time. It all has to be ready at the same time.

Classes haven't been too bad lately. For my mass media class I had to create a PSA as part of our project. I made one using Windows Movie Maker, which to be honest ... sucks ass. It was all that I had to work with so I did what I could ... which isn't much. It was making a glorified slide show with some music. But overall it seemed to be tasteful and attention grabbing. You can check it out if you would like.

This week I have been eating pretty well. We had our Easter dinner last Sunday, complete with Death by Chocolate cake. Then we did an Easter egg hunt with the nieces and nephews, we don't actually use real eggs anymore. I think most people are starting to shy away from them. We used the plastic ones and filled them with candy and money. I didn't actually do it, my mother did for the grandkids. I guess it was fun ... but then again I am not all to keen on children. Not that I'm a big grump with kids, I'm just not a fan. Especially since I work in food service and children mean messes and when people eat out they just don't care if their kid makes a pig of themselves.

As Always,
Eat Up!

Tip o' the Day: Pizza and Ice Cream can be a gainers best friend, however both can be rather expensive. If you aren't too picky of an eater check out Little Caesar's ... if there is one near you. They sell a large pepperoni for just $5. Take advantage of coupons or buy an Entertainment Book, which is filled with hundreds of dollars worth of savings for most national restaurant chains, not just pizza. You can also purchase an online version that contains coupons for many towns so you can use the coupons while you are traveling.

PS ... Pam's a hottie!

Lazy Day

Today was my first full day off in about 2 and a half weeks so I took advantage of it. I did pretty much nothing. I did clean out my car but that was the most productive thing that I accomplished. This last week really kicked my butt. I started rehearsal of the Faure Requiem and I'm still running with Heidelberg Symphony. I also agreed to take a 15 minute spot during music week to perform in one of the lobbies at school. I can't find an accompanist who can learn the pieces that were my first two choices so I am going to have to pull out the Bach Suites and refresh some of them.

With all of the running around that I have been doing I have been hitting the drive-thru quite a bit. This has really helped my belly quite a bit. I weighed myself again today and it said 264 so I am up about 4 lbs over the past two weeks. Classes are going well, I just aced my aural skills test yesterday. This summer I am considering taking a trek out to the NYC area. The local aiport announced very cheap direct flight tickets to Newark so I might make it out there. But I think that I won't be able to make it out there until August.

There has been something on my mind that has been peeving me recently. I know that gaining is a very personal issue with many different aspects. But in all honesty it isn't that difficult to gain weight. It takes dedication and support from friends. However, with the availability of such inexpensive foods within the US, I find it hard to understand how someone can claim to be a gainer yet over the course of many, many months they are completely unable to gain weight. To me it seems that that person is not dedicated and only thinks about and or pretends to gain just to get off. Maybe I'm just jaded because I know what it takes to gain and I've seen so many guys say that they can't gain and then 5 months later they have blown up.

Tip o' the Day: I definately agree with Stupidgit ... Skipping breakfast does help you gain weight. In my nutrition class my teacher always preached that eating a tablespoon of sugar is better for you than skipping breakfast. This is because breakfast jumpstarts your metabolism. By skipping breakfast you are allowing more calories to be turned to fat.

As Always,
Eat Up!

Too Little Time

This past week has gone in the blink of an eye. I have been so busy with work and class that I can't remember anything before this morning. There are so many deadlines that I am trying to keep track of that I think that I might go insane. All of this stuff has not been helping the waistline at all. Which is very sad. On top of all of that I am having some car trouble. I have a multiple cylinder misfire error code. So I can't drive to the auto parts store to get stuff to work on it. I am thinking that I just need to replace the ignition coils. They are the original coils that now have 94,000 miles on them. I am really hoping that that is the only problem, if it is anything else I don't think that I will have enough money to get it fixed. VW's are way to expensive when it comes to repairs.

My youtube videos should all be up and running, all of them. I have heard alot of good responses from them. Someone even wrote me a poem. How flattering! My thanks go out to globehunter2 on youtube for the poem that he wrote.

I use to be thin lanky and lean with no gut in sight,
I did'nt like the way I looked being thin was not right,

Being Fat was a dream that I wished one day would come true,
being huge and immense was something I never knew,

So I decided to make my dream come true
eating more than ever,

sometimes even eating for 2 or 3
I had to feed the need that was growing inside of me!

Then it began to happen as my flat stomach began to bloat,
and in time with a determined mind I began to grow into a boat,

A boat made of soft marshmallow,s ballooning bigger every day,
O the joy was something that nobody could take away,

My clothes began to shrink as I began to swell,
I was finally becoming a Fat guy as far as I could tell,

Now after 2 years my dream is finally becoming true!
to be truly fat and huge is now something that I knew,

Seeing my thighs explode into 2 massive jiggling balloons,
with a big deep navel gut and a butt like 2 rolling moons,

O how I love the way I look with each passing day,
for now I've found my passion in Life! that no one can take away.


To Stuffmebloated.

Tip o' the day: Drinking juice or milk instead of water adds large amounts of calories to your daily intake. Replacing soda with juice or milk provides a healthy alternative without having to give up the excess calories needed for weight gain.

As Always,
Eat up!

Portability Makes a Difference

So, as you already know I have a laptop. An old laptop, but a laptop with wireless internet. I absolutely love having a laptop. It make everything much more easier. Recently I have really been in a musical mood. So with my laptop I installed Finale 2009, which is a music writing program. I have been writing out music pretty much non-stop for the last couple days. I am not gonna lie ... some of it is pretty sweet. It isn't anything huge ... but for someone who has never written any music in my life it is a big deal. We are singing a piece in my choral class and the director made a comment to me that it sounded like the piece was just made for a cello. So I created a cello part to go along with it ... and it is effin amazing if I may say so myself.

The last few days I have really been bogged down with alot of homework. Coming back from spring break it has really been tough to buckle down and focus. And you would think that over spring break I would have put on some more weight but I weighed myself today and I am down to 259 lbs. Not that my feet and knees don't mind that while I was working it is still a little disheartening. You may also notice that I created a nifty little banner at the top of my blog, yeah ... I did that on my laptop :D. Let me know what you think.



Tip o' the day: Eat alot then sleep, your metabolism slows down while you sleep so more calories will be turned to fat.

As Always,
Eat up!!

Finally Relaxing

So, I finished auditions last week and luckily I already know part of the results. I made it into the University that I want to attend. The audition process was not as difficult as I thought it would be. I had found out about a week and a half before I was scheduled to audition that I had to have a prepared piano piece. So my piano for majors teacher found me a decent piece to audition on and I did pretty well. I only have to take one semester of piano next year instead of two. For the most part I nailed my audition on cello and the Aural Skills test was a breeze for me. The only one that gave me some trouble was the Music Theory entrance exam. There was quite a bit that I had not studied yet in my current classes. I think that may have to do with my current teacher ... last semester we had spent quite a bit of time on 4 part 16th century writing which was fun ... and challenging at times but it did not prepare me as well for the audition process. Either way ... I was accepted into the Music Education program and in the fall, after taking applied lessons for awhile, I will know if I make it into the Music Performance program. I can't wait to get away from Ohio.

As for the gaining I have really been off and on. I had a visitor over the weekend but I wasn't really in the mood for stuffings. So I just kinda overate during the weekend. I don't really even know my weight right now but I have been steadily overeating for a couple days, at least when I am not working. I am on spring break ... which means that I get to work more hours which is good on the wallet but bad on the belly. I also bought a used laptop off my sister-in-law last weekend, so I think that I will be able to put up posts more regularly that I have been. The portability makes a big difference eventhough the laptop itself is really old, just the ability to connect to the internet anywhere in the house keeps me more connected plus I can sit on a comfy couch or lay down in bed and type more comfortably. I signed up for summer classes this week too ... and because I don't have any financial aid I am going to have to pay for the classes myself. So far I am up to $1,200 before books so food money is going to be tight for awhile. It is going to be worth it ... for 9 credit hours at CC it is much cheaper than at the Uni that I am headed for.

Oh, I bought a pair of jeans a couple weeks ago, they were a little long in the legs but they fit almost perfectly in the legs and waist, which is hard to find for me. Well getting into my car from coming out of Best Buy I get in my car and the jeans tear right up the side of the "crotch" area. I think it might be because I have really thick thighs and I am tall so when I get into my car ... my legs stretch much wider than a "normal" person. It didn't bother me too much because the jeans weren't very expensive ... but now I have to find another pair. As you can tell from the pic above that my legs rub together, that pic was taken in July last year so you can just imagine what my thighs are like now.

As Always,
Eat up!

Stretchmarks

For the longest time I had wanted to get stretchmarks on my belly, and now that I have lost some weight they finally show up. I took some pics today ... sort of randomly and noticed that I finally have some marks, which I love.I have always admired people that had stretchmarks on their belly, it has always seemed as a badge of honor to me. Since my run-in ... I have lost about 5 lbs, nothing major at all. Recently, when I get hungry, I tend to want to eat until I more than full, which is the typical way I would eat while I am gaining. Now that I have not been actively gaining, I find it hard to return to my old eating habits. While I am presently struggling with this I am also thinking about how much harder it would be to return to healthier eating habits once I have reached my goal weight. And I wonder if I would ever be able to accomplish that. I wonder if the stomach is able to retract back down in size after training to be able to eat a tremendous amount of food. However this doesn't stop me from ordering 2-3 sandwiches, a fry and a large drink.

As Always,
Eat Up

Moments of Melancholy

I have received many responses to my quick withdrawal of my videos and the privatization of my blog. Some of this stems from the interactions that I have encountered with those within the community, but mostly from the constant struggle that mentally continues on in the background of every gainers self-conscious thoughts. I have been going through a very rough part of my life. Stress continues to mount and the weight that I have willfully and happily worked to gain has only exacerbated the situations. My weight gain has been a great journey that I have enjoyed incredibly over the past year and a half but for the time being I have stopped gaining.

The majority of my decision to pull my vids and begin to lose weight began with a conversation I had with someone. That person asked if I would turn on my webcam and I had responded that I was not really in the mood. He asked why and I told him that I was depressed and began to explain my situation to him and he quickly began attacking me stating that I "needed help" because I was not happy with working two jobs, performing in a symphony, practicing my ass off, all while going to college taking 17 credit hours. I am beyond broke right now and struggling to keep my head above water. I thought this was a person that I could confide in ... not that I would tell him my "deepest and darkest secrets", as cliche as that may sound, but that I could tell him that I wasn't happy with my current situation and he would be able to understand that. I was very mistaken and have not spoken to him since.

Today I put two of my vids back up and I have a few that have been recorded that I may post later depending on how I am feeling. I still plan on running my blog and keeping up on a few websites but I fear that if I over-expose myself I will have more incidents like the one stated above. It is not that I fear what may happen, but mentally and emotionally it messes with me and I do not want to feel like that again. For now the majority of my vids will remain private and I plan take a spectator role in the gaining community until after my situation improves.

As Always,
Eat Up